Changes (Pt.1)….

From the time we wake up, until the time we lay our heads down to sleep, our brains are constantly changing and shifting, making new neural connections as we sleep from the information we’ve taken in from our day.

We are constantly changing.

Every seven years, our body sheds it’s skin like a snake,reorganizing and manipulating the very building blocks of which we are made. Our taste buds change and our interests become broader or more narrow. Things we once shied away from, we are now absorbing, and conversely, the things we once loved may no longer be of any interest. My point is that with every threshold we cross through in life, there’s always a trade-off in which causes the majority of changes.

As we age, and every year past 25, we lose 2 grams of brain mass until age 70, after that, we move up to 5 grams. Though this process of losing brain mass can be slowed down by exercising, eating healthy,and learning new conceptual information, it is an inevitable process and the affects of our manipulation only works for a short time.

Our environment and our state of mind is the predicting factors of whether we live a happy and fulfilled life or we live a miserably shortened sample of such. If we surround ourselves with negative, mundane routines, the expansion of our experiences will cease, thus, slowing down our system to merely nothing. We must not give up on life at any point or for any reason. We are here for a reason. Every single person on this planet has a specific purpose. Giving up on that purpose could cause a ripple effect in life’s design.

For every choice me make, we are making many other choices other than the obvious. Better said, with each choice made, we are choosing to not make the alternative choices.

So, what do we do and how do we accept and maneuver through our world when everything is constantly changes. And how do we trust the things in our world that are constant? Is anything constant really, apart from the speed of light? Many people believe themselves to be a constant state of I. But who are we really? How do we accept change? And what do we do with ourselves once we’ve accepted reality? I mean true reality.

From a birds eye, we look at the world as a whole. But if we break ourselves down in parts and pieces of matter, what view would we have then? Nevertheless, everything seems to change except our own acceptance of change. We refuse to acknowledge change even when we are starring it down in a mirror. What happens if consciousness was not manipulated by our thoughts?

The important factor of observing change, manipulating changes, and accepting change is to simply become aware firstly, then adjust accordingly-Aware of our surroundings, the process of life,and of the self.

When we view such things on the principles and processes of thoughts, then our views are bias,inaccurate,and self motivated. What happens when reality is all that’s left to see. Maybe we’ve created a safe world of lies through evolution. Does that mean we can’t explore truth, even if it means giving up our comfortable safe havens and letting go of our aspirations of obtaining nirvana?

Perhaps, I am but a fool that acquires torture. Or perhaps you would rather live in a lie than expand your world with truth. Nothing wrong with that. That is our conditioned state of being. But conditioning ourselves to such does not really fool us. We know. And that’s why half the world is saddened, unhappy, and plain out miserable. It’s a constant battle within oneself to ignore the changes occurring, and accepting them. What do we choose to accept, and does our skills of repressing truth really work? Ask yourself if you truly know yourself and without manipulation, how much chaos partook in your mind? To calm the chaos, we have to meet reality, accept reality, and coexist with a world and the self that is constantly morphing. We have to keep up. If not, well, we are left with this state of confusion that we mask with lies and in most cases, we cover up with more confusing choices because we only have and live with ourselves in half- truth. Knowing the self is not the end all be all, but it could get us closer to the ultimate goal everyone seeks- and that is peace.

 

Vortex…

Surrounded by silence, yet drowning in noise- Her mind would be the pilot driving through this storm we call life. The air is heavy and the wind is strong, but she does not budge. The aftermath would be devastating, but the chaos is worth her journey. Letting go of the wheel would spin it into an oblivious mess. The wreckage would be too much to sort through. Yet, she panics and let’s go. But only for a moment to catch a glimpse.

The high of her own control will coast her for a while. For a while, until the vortex sucks her back in. The time of her own exploration solves only the smallest confusion of which she won’t accept. Even by her own admission, she had rather be free-falling, than banish the very force that brought her here.

For when she is grounded, there’s no longer the high. There’s no longer the feeling of being alive. There’s only miles and miles of far too familiar terrain. As she maps out her journey, the light is gone. It does not fade in front of her eyes. It does not creep slowly past her. It is mere darkness- yet she knows this path without the light being needed. She knows every turn, bump, and stop. She knows what she knows, and she cannot unknowingly travel another step any longer. Her memory is her own and nothing can calm nor erase what it clings to.

The darkness surrounds her. It encases her like a bowl encases a fish. She can look out onto the rest of the world filled with light, but her reality is engraved.

She is not damaged. She is not forgotten nor unloved. She is simply a prisoner of herself and of her own mind. She allows such imprisonment because in return, she does not have to give up her light. She refuses to live in the artificial light her surrounding world offers. She’d rather live in darkness and dream in peace. Maybe this world has misplaced her, but she knows herself and she remains vigilant to not veer too far away from her center. Her center that keeps her calm-Her center that produces more happiness than 100 worldly relations. The center that allowed the vortex of her own true happiness to take over. Giving her control away and allowing what will be to be may be her best chance to keep her light glowing, her blood pumping, and her mind traveling. Complacency would be her ultimate misery, though acceptance is her only feat.

 

 

Easy…

Some times life can get you down. Sometimes our choices become our burden. Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves. We don’t really know what we are doing. We are just winging it. We should not judge ourselves so harshly when our temptations get the best of us. We are not perfect. So when we make stupid decisions and act on our primal instinct, we should just laugh it away and move on. Sulking in our mistakes is good if only for a moment to take in all the reasons that makes it non-conducive to our mental well-being. Other than that, we have to move past it and not be so hard on ourselves. It is most definitely pointless.

What’s done is done, so move on, smile, laugh, and make new memories and never forget who you are and continue to create your world. The world is going to keep spinning around. The sun is still going to come out in the morning. And the moon is still going to calm the world with it’s humble appearance.  So when your mental state is unsteady, remember to take it easy on yourself. No decision or mistake thereof is bad enough to prevent greatness. All is fine when you decide it is going to be fine.

Love yourself and love others. Post reminders of who you are and who you want to be and burn the ones that bring you down. This world is filled with a lot of poisonous thing and ridding them as they flow our direction is all we can do. Nevertheless, this world is filled with more beauty than poison. We just have to find what we see as such and take care of it with everything we’ve got. Impressions are impressions..They mold us and make us who we are. Our mistakes lead us to find who we are and who we are not and who we want to be and who we do not want to be. The power lies within us all to fight off the evil and indulge in kindness and love. But in order to do so, we may walk a less stable path for a while to only find it’s not the path in which we should continue.

Ultimately, we all get to a place in life in which we fear ourselves and loathe reality. Occam’s Razor states that with two posing theories, the simplest theory should be most preferred. So basically, the simplest solution or most obvious is probably the right solution. The solution should be to take it easy on ourselves when we venture off our solid ground every once in a while. Life will get easier when you leave behind the chaos surrounding the most obvious path in which you should take. Never finding yourself has got to be one of the most saddest things I have ever imagined. So, make mistakes, hurt people, hurt yourself, be mean, be ugly, but when the dust settles, adjust your strength to the beauty this world has to offer and life will get easier. We only get one shot at this so why not relax, do what we love, and let the pieces fall where they fall. The main obstacle we face is our own minds. We have to somehow get past the repeating reel in our heads looping back to negative. The reason our minds do this is because it has no home in our minds in the first place. It is searching for its purpose- So, assign it one. Rationalize your thoughts well enough to calm them and you’ll be able to live and breathe easier without restricting your world and persecuting yourselves every time you make a wrong turn.

Time is relative. Time is relative. Time is relative. Everything can change in a minute, an hour, or a day. Swimming in a cloud of regret will only produce more rain. Taking control of our own mind will produce whatever we want it to produce.

Songs for inspiration and thinking-

Walk…

Driving down I10, I gaze out my window, the cold air is hitting my face, and my hair is swirling with the rhythm of the wind. I start to imagine walking instead of driving. I imagine the grass beneath my feet and the air encompassing my entire body and not just being restricted to just my face. I immediately start to feel free.

I drift away now in complete fantasy land, imagining myself roaming the earth solely on foot, encountering the many personalities this world beholds along the way.

I am not worried about weather, for my daydreams only consists of 2- rain and sunshine. Either one will place me in a blissful state-of-mind. I do not fret the creatures of this land, for I only imagine 2- horses and butterflies. Either one leaves my heart wide open. I do not dread the thieves, the desperate, nor the ugly sides of mankind, for theres only 2 type of people- happy and kind. The blend of the two makes my world spin slower. I don’t bother being scared for when darkness comes, for I only dream in 2 colors- purple and pink. Either one erases the vibes the darkness offers.

Mumford and Sons is blaring from the radio. The night is cold as I leave one state and enter another. The possibilities racing in my mind are endless. Positivity has heightened to a immeasurable level. All is doable in this moment right here. Nothing can bring me down except reality. Thoughts of just simply walking has led me back to where I’ve been searching to get back to for some time now. I shall walk one day soon. I shall walk and feel the breeze for longer than this drive. I shall escape these chains soon. I shall start living. Start fighting for my freedom from all this world binds. All we have is our mind, our feet and the priveledge of choice. I choose to walk and no longer drive through my life going 80. Peace ❤

Ready…

Looking back, sometimes the past may seem a bit blurry. Trying to recall past events may become harder than anything, and quite possibly it’s for the best. Remembering a smell, a song, a kiss, a feeling, spoken words, or just a look….a specific look leading your racing mind to jump back in time and forgetting the you that is the you right now. These emotional stimuli intertwine with our memories and jolt us back for a moment or four. But not remembering some things, well, I think this mechanism happens by no accident. I think it is our brain’s way of protecting us from harm. Our brain knows that our perception is never really as accurately recorded by us as we would like to think.

So, is it a natural process built inside our minds protecting us from previous injury, or have we just simply grown far from the past and are ready to move forward? We no longer align with what once was, and not by a fractional margin, either. We no longer feel as deeply nor pine so desperately for the agony of loving and being loved. We no longer invite such irrational behavior inside our dome simply for the sake of  test-driving our emotions. Now we just structure our minds to play it safe. We structure our world to catch us when we fall. We build our illusory, present-day world with scraps from our tormented past. Then we wake up in the morning and think, “hey, look at me, I’m moving forward.” But are we? Are we moving forward? They say forward is the only direction even available, but I say life is not simply broken into segments of time. I say life isn’t a simple, three-directional pathway in which forward is the only choice given to us. I say we are given one time and it is the present but a complex notion all the same.

Nevertheless, we build our walls with what tools we have obtained. We nail them together as if we know a tornado might come through any day and demolish our shields. We would build our houses from concrete if it weren’t for the seeping moisture overtaking our air and blocking our sight of the moon. Or do we secretly allow room for just a little torment to re-enter and breeze through our space even if it is just for a moment. Are we just simply suckers for the pain or arrogant for conquer. We are complicated yet simply estimated. So, this rabbit hole never ends until our energy shifts from soul to property. The problem is not within the process, rather it is within the consciousness. The awareness of our motivations and intentions is what makes this whole concept a problem. We can’t lie to ourselves once we become conscious of the truth.

Either way, what are we getting ready for in life? We all seem to have goals and destinations but for what? Where are we going? Why are we going? We should be there already- living presently. But we don’t really know how to do this. We know we want more, but we can’t see past the misery blocking our sight. I guess misery needs some sort of faith for annihilation. I guess misery needs company. I guess misery has it’s way of sneaking up on us in life and stealing our power and replacing it with hope. I guess misery keeps us aspiring. I guess misery is our present and our past is our misery and our future, well, take a guess at who is waiting for us there. So, knowing that what we are working for, we already have, would that change how we live? Better yet, would that change how we don’t live? We are all getting ready to basically go nowhere but where we are. We can be, or we can be, or we can be, but we will never be free to be if we don’t see that we are already free. We are already where we think we are going- We are ready now.

 

 

Poison…

hmmmm, Well, my analytical mind is covered in garbage chemicals right now so forgive my ramble and please just move on and don’t read.But if you are going to go against my advice and read this junk then pay close attention. You might not like what I have to say and well, that’s really the point, I guess. Looking in the mirror at ourselves can be a scary thing. And, I’m going to do this so if you’d rather not watch- stop reading.

We fight for what and who we love in life, but mostly we fight with ourselves to be who we think we are inside. Sometimes those lines can get blurred and quite frankly completely insincere. Sometimes it takes something to hit you like a train to step back and analyze yourself. I mean to really take a deep look inside and be real with yourself. Not placate and excuse your actions with minuscule reasons fired by reassuring behaviors that we all are found guilty of doing. Ya see, we are both good and evil. We contain both personalities. Who we really are is not what we show others. We have many sides and hardly try to fix the bad sides, but only indulge when no one is looking. Then, we try to over-compensate with good deeds and acts of kindness. But when does one line end and the other begin? How can we tell which one we feed most often and when we’re simply manipulating our actions of good to make up for the bad?

I bet right now you’re saying, “well that’s not me. I’m awesome!” Well, that is a lie. You may have awesome attributes but you also have horrible ways about yourself in which you never face head-on. Well, today we are facing them head-on!

All I am trying to do in life is find balance, peace, and beauty. I have sides to my personality that I loathe in others. And I never really try to change them. Yet, I ignore them as if it’s going to just disappear on it’s own without any active effort on my behalf. I blame others for my ways and I fall into  self-pity, underestimating my own demons. I hate this. I want to fix it but I first have to pin-point the base. Why am I so screwed up? Why do I think so much and why, if I am so self-aware as I am proclaiming, can I not rid the ugly sides to myself and just be pure. I guess the well is already drawn? Maybe being reborn is the only way to clear the palette. Well, that’s not completely true, Locke and Rousseau got it wrong with their whole “blank slate” theory. Maybe if I could stop moving for a moment and face things, then maybe I can self-adjust?

But no, my balance has been off-scale for far too long, I keep my head in the clouds for far too long, and I find beauty when there’s none to be found. I am manipulating and lying to myself every day. So where’s the ending sight? How do we fix ourselves? Do we turn to God? That really doesn’t seem fair to him. I mean, here God- take my mess of a life after I’ve screwed it up so badly and fix it for me, would ya? Doesn’t seem like a fair trade to me. Why can’t we turn to him with pure souls already and be like “I’m here to work for you and I want nothing in return.” Wouldn’t that be ideal?? I don’t know what I am even saying anymore. I am out of my element here I guess.

Either way, we need to just fix ourselves. This is why we live so miserably. It’s not the people around us making us miserable,really. It is us. We are not happy with who we really are and we blame our neighbors. We grab the closest one to us and hurt them because we really want to hurt ourselves. That is, if you have good residing in there as well. If you are still good but possess bad things that you’re less than proud of, then you’re going to lash out at indirect situations surrounding you. It’s just easier to sleep at night when we have a human punching bag. But we need to stop!!! We need to own our darkness!! We need to own it so we can begin to fix it. We are too sad inside our minds to maintain it for too much longer. SO FIX IT YOURSELF!!No one else is going to!

I’m not going to launder all my dirty business but I will say that the innocence I once had, well, it’s gone. The purity I felt, its gone. The ease of just being, it’s gone. I want those things back! I want to free this anger and escape the thoughts of myself I hide from. Like literally hide from. I’ll think of something, then manually yet mentally change the stream of thoughts to something prettier. Something more tolerable. Trying no longer is good enough. I am no longer on a bargaining system with myself. I have to own all the pieces of me as my own without passing blame to my past. I have to take control or it’s going to end up controlling me. Like I said, none-sense ramble, right? To some, probably. Or maybe not to some? Depends on if you’re being honest.

The problem is- where do I start? I mean, what comparative structure do I go by? My teachings?ha!!! I think not!!! So, I will start by my own judgement. I will start by not being a hypocrite. I will start by not lying to myself and manipulating my world as if it were a video game. I will face me. I will be able to breathe but first I have to rid the poison. The poison from others and within. The poison that’s led me here all along. The poison that grips you by the hand and won’t let go, leaving tracks all over the mind until you cannot fight it, kill it, hide from it, or see past it. The poison that seeps into all of us without our consciousness. The poison of which we’ve all taken a sip.

But the truth is- Am I just now, as I type, lying to myself. Can I really change any of these things that bind my hands, and cover my eyes, and weigh me down in life to the point that I can not live my own life anymore. Am I running from something that cannot escape me? Am I fooling myself into thinking I have this sort of power? Or am I merely a product. A sitting duck? A painting already drawn? A sad attempt at life that just couldn’t quite reach the surface?

With anything in life, I guess time will tell….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There you are…

I HIDE, I HIDE, I HIDE FROM YOU

I’D DIE, I’D DIE, I’D DIE FROM YOU

I’D BLEED, I’D BLEED, I’D BLEED FOR YOU

BUT STILL, THERE YOU ARE

 

THE SEED, THE SEED, THE SEED FROM YOU

FROM YOUR TREE, YOUR TREE, YOUR TREE I GREW

IT LEADS, IT LEADS, IT LEADS TO YOU

SO, STILL THERE YOU ARE

 

THE TEARS, THE TEARS, THE TEARS FROM YOU

THEY FELL, THEY FELL, THEY FELL, FROM YOU

TO ME, TO ME, TO ME- I FLEW

YET STILL, THERE YOU ARE

 

THE PAIN, THE PAIN, THE PAIN FROM YOU

IT GREW, IT GREW, IT GREW FROM YOU

TO ME, AND ME, AND ME I KNEW

THAT STILL, THERE YOU ARE

 

IT HURT, IT HURTS, IT HURTS TO FEEL

THE RAGE, THE RAGE, THE RAGE I FEEL

TO SEE, TO SEE, TO SEE THE REEL

AND KNOWING, THERE YOU ARE

 

THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH IS THERE

NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY TO BARE

BUT TO HIDE, TO HIDE, TO HIDE THE CARE

LIKE ALWAYS, THERE YOU ARE

 

THE END, THE END, THE END IS NEAR

SO WHAT, SO WHAT, SO WHAT TO FEAR

IT’S YOU, IT’S YOU, IT’S YOU I WEAR

FOREVER, THERE YOU ARE.