Fade Out: Full Stop…

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies“- Aristotle

Sitting still, I stand and wander and wonder.

The next move is mine; I cannot see the line.

My contradict, my mull , my pathetic ways

leave me befitting for my own misery.

The drops of rain altering my countenance

leave me drenched in a noise that I have so eloquently denied its pardon.

My utopia is revealed, and my strengths have now weakened

down to the bare cold bone, rewriting every single line to this song.

My mourning is desolate, and this gut-wrenching silence leaves me searching for my remote in the dark.

Without the whimper, without the throes, without my pathos, I cannot regain myself completely and honestly.

Tho time will show me or snow me or make me grow beyond today, today is not ever going to be erased.

This has stained. Stained my pons, and my routes, and my dreams, leaving tracks and traces of glitter all over my maze awaiting the light to reveal its glimmer.

But I look in front of myself and all I see is my back walking away, and all I want to do is grab that ponytail and stop myself.

But I don’t- I am just one, and every coin has two sides and tails it lands,and my facade, well, it is just temporary.

It is what I see, what I feel, what I know to be real, but my real must fade back from reality to its own fantasy of which it bloomed.

The most complicated simplicity needs no uncoiling, no restraints, no prodding at down to some bleak, mundane five letter word, nor four, nor three.

But these are not the lines that stretch far enough out to reach the other side of the ocean.

These are the lines of which I have created.

These are the lines that fade out into the abyss, forever searching for its counterpart.

The lines that blur romanticism and realism and any ism created thereafter, never really coming to the full stop but never linking, never syncing, never bonding those molecules that get it to its full octet.

 

 

 

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Pyre’s Shadow…

The world is dark, the hour draws near
With my arms extended I stumble in the
darkness
Searching for a switch to chase the
shadows away
Atrophied eyes scan the void
A presence is near and I’m drawn to it like
a moth to a flame.
Our hands touch and fingers lace
Pulling me from the cold embrace.
I’m elevated to a plane of light
The shadows that followed me still cling
to my heels.
I’m faced with a choice
Withdraw to the null or snip the threads
that bind me so.
Cautiously I choose to slip the yoke
Letting go of the ashes of the past.
I breathe for the first time
My exhale scatters the char into the
breeze
And it drifts into the black like a forgotten
memory

-UUUU

The Ending…

I woke up this morning with a familiar feeling inside my body and inside my head and I realized that I needed to concentrate less on me and my world and just be a representative for others.

Sometimes the systems of society can just let people down. We try and try and try and for the majority of us, we hardly get anywhere,but instead we spin around and around holding on to that tiny bit of hope that our dreams we’ve created in our heads will one day come true. But, it takes a lot of resilience and thick skin to overcome what life throws our way. To be completely honest, it is rather an unfair way for someone to go through life. Our society is unbalanced and caters to the people of the world that needs no catering.

The homeless,the poor,the abused,the abandoned,the children of our world that must struggle their entire lives to just survive childhood, then barely reaching adulthood and realizing that it is just as bad if not worse. It saddens me to live in this unbalanced world- A world filled with greed and crime and anguish and turmoil; It doesn’t have to be this way!

The cycle needs to end and people need to be human beings for crying out loud! It’s not money that creates such division,but the mere love and obsession for money. While the majority of the world tries to just keep their head above water, that tiny percent swims in a sea of it. I am not saying they should give it away to the poor by any means , I am saying they should stop taking from the poor and manipulating the bottom pits of society with no tan off their backs. Get you damn foot off of their heads already!! Let people freaking breathe! We live in a country where freedom was fought for with lives and blood and we are privileged due to many fallen men and women that believed in unity and sacrifice for the greater good of mankind.

But what have we done with it? What have we done with their sacrifice? Have we became immune to our own selfish behaviors. Have we completely disregarded humanity for the sake of the all mighty buck? Have we completely overlooked our neighbor’s struggles due to our own fears of struggling? We are thieves! We are selfish thieves that would step on a mountain of struggling, desperate human bodies to get to the top, and not even to the top might I add, but in most cases, to just get to a mediocre vantage point so we can look down at those struggling, desperate bodies with disdain. We are self righteous ass holes. Just saying.

But how did we get like this? Is this a chicken/egg debate? Either way, solutions are all we have time for anyway. The cycle of hurting people and using people and disregarding people must stop right now!!! It’s the hurt one feels that allow them to harness such anger and makes a person feel like they are in their own war zone with the world, running around protecting themselves no matter the cost. We have to stop this pain from spreading any longer. We must balance this world to where the next eighteen year old man has a chance to make his mark,and the next eighteen year old girl doesn’t have to trade her dignity to survive.

What are we doing people?!?!?! Why are we allowing our species to fall as it is so falling?!?! We need to stop for a moment and reorganize our patterns of behavior. All we have to do is stop!!! But it is a collective notion if we are really ever going to change this course of death.

I am just one person!! This world is chaotic and spinning crazily out of control. Yes, we have opportunities and freedom, but do we really?!?!?! Has minimum wage ever matched economic growth? No, not even by a fraction. Just that simple error of selfishness has now turned many lives upside down. To not even be given the necessary tools to fend for oneself has now left half of the world bowing down to the lenders and the creditors that have capitalized on this hardship our people have been drenched in for decades. No wonder people turn mad and selfish, it is merely an activation of primal survival mechanisms. We have to trade our souls to just live. But for what?!?!?! What are we living for? If we cannot stand up to a world of hurt to try and make it right, then why stand at all?

What makes you feel? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? Do you even feel external sadness anymore or is everything about you and the surrounding area can go f themselves? I mean, come on people. We really do suck. Generally speaking but we do. We have to shift gears now before we fly off a freaking cliff with one hand full of money and one hand full of regrets.

The Fall…

The air is thick, the night is young

Sauntering alone, I feel the brush

Quickening rush, numbing the skin

The coldest of nights encase me in

The closing draws, I think once more

As I leave it lying on the ground.

The ground is replete with many other chores

But this burden leaves it ponderous.

Quickly I glide, slowing the pace

Forgetting the thoughts that are trying to race

I’ll beat them, I know, I run and I run

But still, they catch me eventually.

I balance the clock and wind it once more

The time is one, and now two

Three approaches but the hours blur into each other

And my words become prose against my witty banter

My heart is blae but solaced by the humble moon

As I try to gaze away the thoughts

Looking far ahead at the night’s daunt

Never knowing how or where

I have arrived at my destination.

Dropping, clinging to a mountain of fear

I let go and drop fifty feet down

Along this fall I hurl my thoughts at the rocks

And my fears are flashing in front of my gaze

Beneath me is whatever I think is beneath me

But still I fall into this haze, ravished by my own occupy

It’s okay. I will climb out when I land

And carry with me some souvenirs

Maybe my backpack will come in handy

Or maybe I will carry them on my back

That way I remember the weight of this

And never allow myself to fall again.

Reaching the bottom, it appeared so abrupt

But it is kind of calming down here

Maybe I will lay down for a moment to endure this peacefulness

And by morning the sun would wake me from this and my fears will absorb into the daylight.

Or maybe a rope will drop and I ascend from this darkness with no effort at all

Or maybe the climb out will be just as peaceful having embraced such somber

The light I can see, I refuse to let myself open my eyes until I do

It is of beauty and it is of hope but only for a second as I fade my lids and sleep once more to devour all of what I allow myself to forget.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay…

Laying low on the floor, low is where I stay

Next to me I see him, low is where he stays

letting go and giving in, this is where I stay

in my head it all partakes, but that is where it stays

Tomorrow I will feel,today I stay numb

My legs are tired of walking, my head is tired of thinking, my mind is tired of racing

But this is where I’ll stay?

A safer place might be my bed, but then that’s just where I’ll stay

Sure, I may feel higher, but my body should match my mood,yes?

So it’s settled, I will stay right here and drift away

Instead of whirls, I’ll make swirls, what’s the difference?

Fade back into that feeling? Let it just be? Or think myself to sleep?

What if I just stay awake and the darkness comes too soon?

Then what, does this shadow get up off the floor and run to my rescue?

Reality is usually empty anyway, so why not let myself color in those shadows?

There is a dream. The dream is to stop dreaming or stay dreaming but just never wake myself from them.

Beam…

Weary mind and heavy heart, today a mountain, tomorrow a pile of rocks

Leaving one room, entering another, closing the door that was once nailed shut, but now a shivering breeze passes through,uninviting, yet there it comes.

Walk around my living room, hearing voices that can no longer be muffled. God!! why can’t this die!

Hearing lines I’ve forgotten purposefully, the silence is deafening but no one around to drown it out for me. Maybe music will help?

I close my eyes to try and catch a better picture. The purple swirls help, the doves flying above me help, but it’s the sage man that helps most of all.

I should fill this with sand and let it sink back to the bottom because my surface is overflowing. My writing sucks and this music blows.

I could disappear for a while. The whole world is spinning and I’m trapped underneath, and I’m trapped within. What if I have forgotten all the way back to the beginning and my upside down is the world’s right side up. But isn’t that reality. My reality?

My hair is tangled and my eyes are angry at each other, and my heart just hurts right now. I want to be free but this cage will never bend away from my mind just enough to break out and fly with those doves into my pretty purple swirls.

Endless mumble, what am I saying. I am desperately reaching out to myself. Pathetic!

Alone has got to be the only way I’m supposed to exist. Shadows around me are all that’s left of the people that once was. I cling to fallacies. I fantasize too long and I never get real with myself. I drive to avoid the road engraved inside me. The rage I feel is useless. I feel alone. I rage alone. I listen to shit music alone.Manipulating my world is all I do. Finding me would be too sad. I am two. One- of sadness and One- of lies. Pushing through seems useless because what I’m pushing aside does not budge. The curtain just keeps hitting me back in my face. I get to view the sun from time to time but eventually it always ends back here, where I sit right this very moment, facing the me that never was supposed to be me. The me that never really had the chance but refuses to accept. Accepting would just be me dying. And dying is the only true escape. So, do I balance on that beam in between the two? If so, how long this time before I fall on my face and into this muddy muddy playground?! Can breathing get any harder? I create a sky to look upon, the real one is ruined. I create clouds to stand underneath when it rains, the real ones are of tears I’ve lost in vein. And I smile. I smile to forget and I smile to forgive and I smile to not frown and I smile to lie to myself until my lies are my reality and my reality is my lies. Wondering around my mind right now is scaring the ever living daylights out of me. Without pain, who would we be.?

Forget that. We can create ourselves. I am just overwriting what other’s have written the was not wanted. I refuse to let you become me. I could not chose then but I can do so now. Even if lies is all I have left to deny you from entering my head ever again then I shall lie my heart out, lie my heart out until my heart no longer loves the frame in which you’ve built.

Walking away is just running around the center. To break away for a moment would be peace enough right now. So I shall walk on the beams I’ve built and not the planks you’ve forced beneath my feet and called them my stable ground. I am higher than that ground and beneath me they shall remain. Yayaya

 

 

 

Metempsychosis…

Silent whispers dance ‘cross the ether; A serendipitous utterance glides

Upon a draft and scales ivied confines to gently waft upon a cloistered breast

Imbued within the rippling pond. Reverberations flicker: seen and veiled.

As the water stills, the muddle image settles and where once was turbulent becomes placid.

A reborn reflection, immuted from dissonance, gazes upon itself for the first time.

Fragile and transient ‘cept for a gelid morn to temper its amend.

-UUUU