The Eye…

Forgetting what you’ve been taught and forgetting what you think you see, how do we know if we really know someone? Better yet, forgo all perceivable traits that one may display, and try to dig further down that maze we call the human psyche. What do you see? Is it dark and coldness overtaking the skin that encases your bones or is it full of light and warmth fulfilling your expectations of what good feels like. Or is it a mixture of both. Or is it simply emptiness that fills that space? Perhaps so in some of us or all of us at one point or another.

Nevertheless, whichever you may encounter while reaching such a cathartic site has got to be something amazing! Whether it is scary or inviting, it has got to be amazing to even be ABLE to reach such depth into another human being. That being said, we should be careful what we wish for. We want to know? Don’t we? Or do we?!…

Let’s say we do….Where do you go and what do you do with this, once you’ve journeyed so far from the surface and into another’s secret hiding places? (First- off, is that even legal!?!?! Secondly, do we need some better passwords to lock down our files of forbidden envisages? And thirdly, I don’t have a thirdly but that’s the rules of the listing mechanism- gotta have three if there’s a one and a two. Cha-cha…

Anyway….yeah…. N…E. way….yes, where was I at, so what do we do with knowledge of truth about someone- I mean real raw truth? Do we love it and hold it tightly forever and ever and ever for the sake of fully understood mutual realism? Or do we kill it off as quickly as it took for us to get there? Or do we bow our heads down and pray for this person in which we’ve just seen the depths of hell inside our little Johnny or darling Dakota, or our love of our life Steve or Robert or Rebecca or Naomi, or whomever we are yearning to reveal and leave naked of their privacy. We’re salvages! Anyway, yes, do we go blind? Self medicate? Ameliorate the problem all together?! Run?!?! Yes , we run don’t we. We could poke out our eyeballs and see if we can exchange them? Or we could poke out the eyeballs of the person in which we’ve so pervasively robbed of their own inner being. We rape people, people. Not of their clothes ,for heavens sake, I’d hope not, but of their identity. We say, “oh, baby, I wanna know you inside and out and I accepted all!!  All those dark corners in which you hide behind?… well let my love for you give you light to reveal them to me and that way we’ll be so close the earth could shake and not even tear us apart,not even a budge.” Mmm, so beautiful! But yeahhhhh,no! Ha. That’s absurd! Why Jesus lord take me to the promise land now because heaven just can’t wait. Death is calling my name as those line echo inside my skull! Oh my. Just oh my!

Wine is not my friend. I break up with you wine!! No more getting inside me you delicious creature of peaches and apricots. I’m gonna pee you out and flush you away for good. Ha!

Back to my awesome blog here for a minute- to know someone is to respect them and to respect them is to respect their privacy. Marry means to combine into one but privacy means to mind your own damn business unless I allow otherwise. So I don’t allow otherwise so otherwise twinkle your nose down your own hatred of hell that you sit in all day. Look in the mirror and gouge your own eyes out. You! My eyes are not for you to explore. My eyes are for me to explore. This is getting ridiculous. Jeez you should never have wine and write. It makes for embarrassed feelings of self pity and emotional melt downs that you later regret, then defend, then depress yourself into your couch cushion and swaddle yourself to sleep, feeling like a freak in which you are. We are. You too! Me yes, but you too readers of the galaxy of lonesomeness. Do what? Yeah, I’m just going with this. It’s a FREAKING MASTERPIECE!!!!! Haha. No. No it’s not. But don’t fight it. Just do it Nike swoosh. You are the coolest of all shoes anyway. No body wants your old shoes so keep them for another day when your new shoes belong with the old ones so it will have a friend. Shoes need friends too. Selfish humans!

Riddle me this… How much time does it take a person to accept another person and how much time does that same person take to accept themselves? Ummm… Riddle me this… How’s about we say that we love us so much that we wanna show us to you and you love you so much you wanna show yourself to me then if we show ourselves to each other are we just falling in love with ourselves even more. What about the you and me? Or we? Anyway, this was suppose to go a lot fancier but since it didn’t, I’ll get to the punchline. It’s always about I . Not the eye. Ha. Yeah! Nailed it!!! BOOM!!!… You follow me Lance don’t you. You got me?!:) and mascato,yes. Mascato. Don’t think mascato is gonna put this puppy down. No sir. It’s like fireworks! ( in my sink later,Na.Jk) ( Imma do it in the toilet like a lady would do it.)

Nevermind the nonsense for it is I that will pay the price. You will only have to suffer 17 more lines (and then a little ramble of me trying to close. And yes, closing is the hardest part. )And me, well, yeah, I’ll be on line ten. Follow me….

1.) People are precious

2.) People are selfish

3.) People are kind

4.) People are blind

5.) People are animals

6.) People are complicated

7.) People like music

8.) People like lists ( you’re welcome)

9.) People like discipline

10.) People like pain ( this one)

11.) People like love

12.) People like hate

13.) People like potatoes (?!?!)

14.) People like steak ( okay, I was trying to rhyme on this one. jeez.)

15-17.) People like to hurt and be hurt and love and be loved and fight and lose and fight and win. We are selfish creatures but we try. We try dammit! So get off our backs you stupid mind. We ain’t got no daddy anymore so go daddy the amygdala. I mean, talking about imbalanced ?!?!

Whatever a mad person’s mind feels like is how I feel right now. The sight of me is hiding from me. You get it if you’ve been here. But what time do I go to bed and how many words replenishes my mind back to my playground of falsified documents. See, I just said that because it sounded cool and investigative or something. I can do that. No one reads this thing but me.ha. and Lance Armstrong.( not really the Armstrong part,shhhh). Yes, I’ve humored myself past any real attainable knowledge. Okay now I’m just saying words that go together. Stop that!

Drink some coffee and go to sleep. Do NOT PUSH THE PUBLISH BUTTON. THIS IS NOT CUTE NOR UNDERSTANDABLE BY ANY MEANS! DONT DO IT YOU narcissist woman! Don’t do it.( Imma do it. I have to know if it helps the world. Or injures it. )It helps me. And we’ll all choose a me over a you. Stop. This is way past ridiculous. This is getting too deep Inside your own chaotic splats. Don’t reveal much more or people will begin to wonder, Hmmmm, that women there, hmm, well she is just not right in the head. She is Pentecostal.? Word suggested this word so I can fly with this. I have a headache and my pants are restricting me from being unrestricted. Work with me here. If I can follow me then you should be able to as well. Meddle no more and you win at life. Meddle some more and maybe you lose?!?!?!????….. Riddled you that I did. Now that I riddled was me that did. More? Ahhh, I have the words. Just not the structure nor the soundness.

I’m fading back in. Don’t push publish you.!

See, now the eye in which you look upon me with is the eye I look upon you with. You’re welcome for taking you by the hand and walking you down these paths I built out of many differing materials along the way of this crazy life. You are welcome!!! Now, I must close my eyes and close yours as well.

So rid me or never ever ever let me go?

Right……

Soundness can only be obtained when chaos is housed then cleaned. Brilliant! Bravo!!!

I bid you adieu and from the coo coo’s nest I flew. Without me there’s no you. Unless the you is already knew. Then it’s just me and fantasy, sitting beside reality and a plum tree. Maybe I’ll bite the bark and make me a cave. Or perhaps my legs just need a shave. Nevermind the weirdness here. It was planted because I feel the fear. It will remind me that I don’t belong here. Just like Radiohead said in freak. I will wrap up in my sheets and reveal not I to a strangers eye, for it only cleaves the narrow ply. And once more, I’ll say goodbye and knock those demons out of my sky.

The End ( winky face emoji) HA!

 

 

 

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Autopilot…

Confusion, chaos, feelings and emotions, jeez! To try and organize myself would be pretty close to impossible right now. Feeling alone and being alone has got to be the only way I’m suppose to exist in this world. Otherwise, when I try at the world, it knocks me back down. When I try at myself, I succeed. So, there’s my answer- Blog finished.

But no, we humans want to fix everything and mess up what seems to work due to our lack of self control and our need for need. We are too needy and simplicity is too boring for us to tolerate. Our mind carries out moments that our bodies have not, so we think we should follow suit. But should we? Should we indulge in confusion to simply please the mind’s curiosity? Or does that create a world of pain for you to lave over and sulk in until your mind no longer likes you anymore.

On the contrary, can allowing natural occurrences create ultimate satiation? I mean by allowing control from the universe to take over create more confusion and pain or less and meet all needs with time? Self sacrifice is all I have left in making my worldly choices. Other than that, I always seem to disappoint people when seeking my own fulfillment. Do I shame myself more than I need to? Do I choose to seek those or surrender them altogether? How many times will the wind blow right past me and I’m left with only the feeling of what it might be like to be in that tornado.

Yayaya- But we walk around this world with our eyes closed. We walk around this world with out feet planted. We walk around this world alone even when people surround us. But why? Why do we do this? Can our lonesomeness be because we feel unaccepted by the world? Then, do we seek out relations in the world to coddle those emotions and contradict them for us?- Eventually, becoming insincere and no longer feeding us the high from feeling loved and accepted; then what do we do? Seek another relation? I mean, wow! Sounds like the definition of insanity to me or an addiction that never can be fed correctly. So, let’s just go out on a limb and say we have our processes of life kinda backwards, especially how we choose our relationships. I mean, we need to accept ourselves, love ourselves,then love others in which have caught up to that level of love and acceptance. Make sense? Maybe not to you, but I feel as though I got this all figured out now. We are not picky enough and we need to be to just completely side step divorce and confusion and hurting people. It’s better to hurt them initially,than to hurt them after memories have already formed fondness in the mind. The mind is like a sensitive man-Beautiful,strong, but intuitive. Life has got to get simple enough to not create spiderwebs.

There has to be a better way than this. Maybe it’s just me and my resistance to change. Or maybe it’s me and my level of understanding. Maybe it’s just me and my awkwardness in the world that just can’t gain traction. Maybe it’s me and my ability to give up what is beautiful to me. Because it is very beautiful to me. The beauty I see does not exist elsewhere. The beauty that is right in front of me but never in front of me. Maybe as I drift away I will flash my regrets before myself and see clearly . Or maybe this is but a dream of a dream of a dream. Or maybe I just simply think my world away.

 

Changes (Pt.1)….

From the time we wake up, until the time we lay our heads down to sleep, our brains are constantly changing and shifting, making new neural connections as we sleep from the information we’ve taken in from our day.

We are constantly changing.

Every seven years, our body sheds it’s skin like a snake,reorganizing and manipulating the very building blocks of which we are made. Our taste buds change and our interests become broader or more narrow. Things we once shied away from, we are now absorbing, and conversely, the things we once loved may no longer be of any interest. My point is that with every threshold we cross through in life, there’s always a trade-off in which causes the majority of changes.

As we age, and every year past 25, we lose 2 grams of brain mass until age 70, after that, we move up to 5 grams. Though this process of losing brain mass can be slowed down by exercising, eating healthy,and learning new conceptual information, it is an inevitable process and the affects of our manipulation only works for a short time.

Our environment and our state of mind is the predicting factors of whether we live a happy and fulfilled life or we live a miserably shortened sample of such. If we surround ourselves with negative, mundane routines, the expansion of our experiences will cease, thus, slowing down our system to merely nothing. We must not give up on life at any point or for any reason. We are here for a reason. Every single person on this planet has a specific purpose. Giving up on that purpose could cause a ripple effect in life’s design.

For every choice me make, we are making many other choices other than the obvious. Better said, with each choice made, we are choosing to not make the alternative choices.

So, what do we do and how do we accept and maneuver through our world when everything is constantly changes. And how do we trust the things in our world that are constant? Is anything constant really, apart from the speed of light? Many people believe themselves to be a constant state of I. But who are we really? How do we accept change? And what do we do with ourselves once we’ve accepted reality? I mean true reality.

From a birds eye, we look at the world as a whole. But if we break ourselves down in parts and pieces of matter, what view would we have then? Nevertheless, everything seems to change except our own acceptance of change. We refuse to acknowledge change even when we are starring it down in a mirror. What happens if consciousness was not manipulated by our thoughts?

The important factor of observing change, manipulating changes, and accepting change is to simply become aware firstly, then adjust accordingly-Aware of our surroundings, the process of life,and of the self.

When we view such things on the principles and processes of thoughts, then our views are bias,inaccurate,and self motivated. What happens when reality is all that’s left to see. Maybe we’ve created a safe world of lies through evolution. Does that mean we can’t explore truth, even if it means giving up our comfortable safe havens and letting go of our aspirations of obtaining nirvana?

Perhaps, I am but a fool that acquires torture. Or perhaps you would rather live in a lie than expand your world with truth. Nothing wrong with that. That is our conditioned state of being. But conditioning ourselves to such does not really fool us. We know. And that’s why half the world is saddened, unhappy, and plain out miserable. It’s a constant battle within oneself to ignore the changes occurring, and accepting them. What do we choose to accept, and does our skills of repressing truth really work? Ask yourself if you truly know yourself and without manipulation, how much chaos partook in your mind? To calm the chaos, we have to meet reality, accept reality, and coexist with a world and the self that is constantly morphing. We have to keep up. If not, well, we are left with this state of confusion that we mask with lies and in most cases, we cover up with more confusing choices because we only have and live with ourselves in half- truth. Knowing the self is not the end all be all, but it could get us closer to the ultimate goal everyone seeks- and that is peace.

 

Vortex…

Surrounded by silence, yet drowning in noise- Her mind would be the pilot driving through this storm we call life. The air is heavy and the wind is strong, but she does not budge. The aftermath would be devastating, but the chaos is worth her journey. Letting go of the wheel would spin it into an oblivious mess. The wreckage would be too much to sort through. Yet, she panics and let’s go. But only for a moment to catch a glimpse.

The high of her own control will coast her for a while. For a while, until the vortex sucks her back in. The time of her own exploration solves only the smallest confusion of which she won’t accept. Even by her own admission, she had rather be free-falling, than banish the very force that brought her here.

For when she is grounded, there’s no longer the high. There’s no longer the feeling of being alive. There’s only miles and miles of far too familiar terrain. As she maps out her journey, the light is gone. It does not fade in front of her eyes. It does not creep slowly past her. It is mere darkness- yet she knows this path without the light being needed. She knows every turn, bump, and stop. She knows what she knows, and she cannot unknowingly travel another step any longer. Her memory is her own and nothing can calm nor erase what it clings to.

The darkness surrounds her. It encases her like a bowl encases a fish. She can look out onto the rest of the world filled with light, but her reality is engraved.

She is not damaged. She is not forgotten nor unloved. She is simply a prisoner of herself and of her own mind. She allows such imprisonment because in return, she does not have to give up her light. She refuses to live in the artificial light her surrounding world offers. She’d rather live in darkness and dream in peace. Maybe this world has misplaced her, but she knows herself and she remains vigilant to not veer too far away from her center. Her center that keeps her calm-Her center that produces more happiness than 100 worldly relations. The center that allowed the vortex of her own true happiness to take over. Giving her control away and allowing what will be to be may be her best chance to keep her light glowing, her blood pumping, and her mind traveling. Complacency would be her ultimate misery, though acceptance is her only feat.

 

 

Easy…

Some times life can get you down. Sometimes our choices become our burden. Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves. We don’t really know what we are doing. We are just winging it. We should not judge ourselves so harshly when our temptations get the best of us. We are not perfect. So when we make stupid decisions and act on our primal instinct, we should just laugh it away and move on. Sulking in our mistakes is good if only for a moment to take in all the reasons that makes it non-conducive to our mental well-being. Other than that, we have to move past it and not be so hard on ourselves. It is most definitely pointless.

What’s done is done, so move on, smile, laugh, and make new memories and never forget who you are and continue to create your world. The world is going to keep spinning around. The sun is still going to come out in the morning. And the moon is still going to calm the world with it’s humble appearance.  So when your mental state is unsteady, remember to take it easy on yourself. No decision or mistake thereof is bad enough to prevent greatness. All is fine when you decide it is going to be fine.

Love yourself and love others. Post reminders of who you are and who you want to be and burn the ones that bring you down. This world is filled with a lot of poisonous thing and ridding them as they flow our direction is all we can do. Nevertheless, this world is filled with more beauty than poison. We just have to find what we see as such and take care of it with everything we’ve got. Impressions are impressions..They mold us and make us who we are. Our mistakes lead us to find who we are and who we are not and who we want to be and who we do not want to be. The power lies within us all to fight off the evil and indulge in kindness and love. But in order to do so, we may walk a less stable path for a while to only find it’s not the path in which we should continue.

Ultimately, we all get to a place in life in which we fear ourselves and loathe reality. Occam’s Razor states that with two posing theories, the simplest theory should be most preferred. So basically, the simplest solution or most obvious is probably the right solution. The solution should be to take it easy on ourselves when we venture off our solid ground every once in a while. Life will get easier when you leave behind the chaos surrounding the most obvious path in which you should take. Never finding yourself has got to be one of the most saddest things I have ever imagined. So, make mistakes, hurt people, hurt yourself, be mean, be ugly, but when the dust settles, adjust your strength to the beauty this world has to offer and life will get easier. We only get one shot at this so why not relax, do what we love, and let the pieces fall where they fall. The main obstacle we face is our own minds. We have to somehow get past the repeating reel in our heads looping back to negative. The reason our minds do this is because it has no home in our minds in the first place. It is searching for its purpose- So, assign it one. Rationalize your thoughts well enough to calm them and you’ll be able to live and breathe easier without restricting your world and persecuting yourselves every time you make a wrong turn.

Time is relative. Time is relative. Time is relative. Everything can change in a minute, an hour, or a day. Swimming in a cloud of regret will only produce more rain. Taking control of our own mind will produce whatever we want it to produce.

Songs for inspiration and thinking-

Walk…

Driving down I10, I gaze out my window, the cold air is hitting my face, and my hair is swirling with the rhythm of the wind. I start to imagine walking instead of driving. I imagine the grass beneath my feet and the air encompassing my entire body and not just being restricted to just my face. I immediately start to feel free.

I drift away now in complete fantasy land, imagining myself roaming the earth solely on foot, encountering the many personalities this world beholds along the way.

I am not worried about weather, for my daydreams only consists of 2- rain and sunshine. Either one will place me in a blissful state-of-mind. I do not fret the creatures of this land, for I only imagine 2- horses and butterflies. Either one leaves my heart wide open. I do not dread the thieves, the desperate, nor the ugly sides of mankind, for theres only 2 type of people- happy and kind. The blend of the two makes my world spin slower. I don’t bother being scared for when darkness comes, for I only dream in 2 colors- purple and pink. Either one erases the vibes the darkness offers.

Mumford and Sons is blaring from the radio. The night is cold as I leave one state and enter another. The possibilities racing in my mind are endless. Positivity has heightened to a immeasurable level. All is doable in this moment right here. Nothing can bring me down except reality. Thoughts of just simply walking has led me back to where I’ve been searching to get back to for some time now. I shall walk one day soon. I shall walk and feel the breeze for longer than this drive. I shall escape these chains soon. I shall start living. Start fighting for my freedom from all this world binds. All we have is our mind, our feet and the priveledge of choice. I choose to walk and no longer drive through my life going 80. Peace ❤

Ready…

Looking back, sometimes the past may seem a bit blurry. Trying to recall past events may become harder than anything, and quite possibly it’s for the best. Remembering a smell, a song, a kiss, a feeling, spoken words, or just a look….a specific look leading your racing mind to jump back in time and forgetting the you that is the you right now. These emotional stimuli intertwine with our memories and jolt us back for a moment or four. But not remembering some things, well, I think this mechanism happens by no accident. I think it is our brain’s way of protecting us from harm. Our brain knows that our perception is never really as accurately recorded by us as we would like to think.

So, is it a natural process built inside our minds protecting us from previous injury, or have we just simply grown far from the past and are ready to move forward? We no longer align with what once was, and not by a fractional margin, either. We no longer feel as deeply nor pine so desperately for the agony of loving and being loved. We no longer invite such irrational behavior inside our dome simply for the sake of  test-driving our emotions. Now we just structure our minds to play it safe. We structure our world to catch us when we fall. We build our illusory, present-day world with scraps from our tormented past. Then we wake up in the morning and think, “hey, look at me, I’m moving forward.” But are we? Are we moving forward? They say forward is the only direction even available, but I say life is not simply broken into segments of time. I say life isn’t a simple, three-directional pathway in which forward is the only choice given to us. I say we are given one time and it is the present but a complex notion all the same.

Nevertheless, we build our walls with what tools we have obtained. We nail them together as if we know a tornado might come through any day and demolish our shields. We would build our houses from concrete if it weren’t for the seeping moisture overtaking our air and blocking our sight of the moon. Or do we secretly allow room for just a little torment to re-enter and breeze through our space even if it is just for a moment. Are we just simply suckers for the pain or arrogant for conquer. We are complicated yet simply estimated. So, this rabbit hole never ends until our energy shifts from soul to property. The problem is not within the process, rather it is within the consciousness. The awareness of our motivations and intentions is what makes this whole concept a problem. We can’t lie to ourselves once we become conscious of the truth.

Either way, what are we getting ready for in life? We all seem to have goals and destinations but for what? Where are we going? Why are we going? We should be there already- living presently. But we don’t really know how to do this. We know we want more, but we can’t see past the misery blocking our sight. I guess misery needs some sort of faith for annihilation. I guess misery needs company. I guess misery has it’s way of sneaking up on us in life and stealing our power and replacing it with hope. I guess misery keeps us aspiring. I guess misery is our present and our past is our misery and our future, well, take a guess at who is waiting for us there. So, knowing that what we are working for, we already have, would that change how we live? Better yet, would that change how we don’t live? We are all getting ready to basically go nowhere but where we are. We can be, or we can be, or we can be, but we will never be free to be if we don’t see that we are already free. We are already where we think we are going- We are ready now.