Vortex…

Surrounded by silence, yet drowning in noise- Her mind would be the pilot driving through this storm we call life. The air is heavy and the wind is strong, but she does not budge. The aftermath would be devastating, but the chaos is worth her journey. Letting go of the wheel would spin it into an oblivious mess. The wreckage would be too much to sort through. Yet, she panics and let’s go. But only for a moment to catch a glimpse.

The high of her own control will coast her for a while. For a while, until the vortex sucks her back in. The time of her own exploration solves only the smallest confusion of which she won’t accept. Even by her own admission, she had rather be free-falling, than banish the very force that brought her here.

For when she is grounded, there’s no longer the high. There’s no longer the feeling of being alive. There’s only miles and miles of far too familiar terrain. As she maps out her journey, the light is gone. It does not fade in front of her eyes. It does not creep slowly past her. It is mere darkness- yet she knows this path without the light being needed. She knows every turn, bump, and stop. She knows what she knows, and she cannot unknowingly travel another step any longer. Her memory is her own and nothing can calm nor erase what it clings to.

The darkness surrounds her. It encases her like a bowl encases a fish. She can look out onto the rest of the world filled with light, but her reality is engraved.

She is not damaged. She is not forgotten nor unloved. She is simply a prisoner of herself and of her own mind. She allows such imprisonment because in return, she does not have to give up her light. She refuses to live in the artificial light her surrounding world offers. She’d rather live in darkness and dream in peace. Maybe this world has misplaced her, but she knows herself and she remains vigilant to not veer too far away from her center. Her center that keeps her calm-Her center that produces more happiness than 100 worldly relations. The center that allowed the vortex of her own true happiness to take over. Giving her control away and allowing what will be to be may be her best chance to keep her light glowing, her blood pumping, and her mind traveling. Complacency would be her ultimate misery, though acceptance is her only feat.

 

 

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